meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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