Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
