My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize