Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
