She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
