i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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