She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
