I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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