Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize