I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
