idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I have post one night stand depression
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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