oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
