Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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