Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
