what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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