i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
