we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize