If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
