dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
