ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize