just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
