I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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