You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
