Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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