What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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