He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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