remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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