My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
