my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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