there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
