Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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