On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
...so i touched it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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