please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
