I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
