Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
