There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize