Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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