talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
