Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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