I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
