am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's blow job season.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
