Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
