I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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