Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
