I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
