dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
