I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
