stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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