The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
