You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
