apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just found a bag of teeth...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
