i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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