You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
