Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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