So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
