Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it's like iHOP with fire
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
