Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
