Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
