I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
