pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
