If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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