i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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