naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
