she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
