I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
