turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
how does that bad decision feel?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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