So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
