Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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