After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
