Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
