are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
