So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
