So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize