I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
