If i come over, it means nothing
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
