i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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