This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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