Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
