you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
