I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
