It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
