I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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