In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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