I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
