you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
