Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
