I'm really into asian looking animals
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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