why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
